Grief, waves, and the coping experience

Navigating Grief

Working through a loss can be complex, experienced in stages, and has differing durations for each person. Although it is an inevitable part of the human experience, it is something we can be tempted to earnestly avoid. Whether it follows the death of a loved one, the end of an important relationship, or a major life transition, the journey through grief can be both challenging and transformative.

Understanding why and how to cope with grief and loss can not only help you navigate these turbulent waters, but also promote healing and growth. 

Waves of Emotion

If you’re looking for a visualization on how grief can feel, try imagining the waves of the ocean. A parallel with nature can oftentimes help us make sense of what they are going through and feeling. It can also help us feel connected in a time that might otherwise feel quite isolating. 

Wave sets are groups of three to ten waves that arrive at a surf break in succession. The number of waves in a set, the length, the height, and the time between each set can vary significantly. Coping with grief and loss can feel very similar. There can be unpredictability as emotions ebb and flow, rise and fall, and at times, recede all together. Sometimes it can feel manageable, and the next moment it can feel overwhelming and all-consuming. As ocean waves can shape the shore, the waves of grief can also have a lasting impact on the person who is learning to cope.

The Five Stages of Grief

Everyone experiences grief differently, and turning to the five stages can help us identify the strong emotions that a difficult time can bring to the surface.   

In 1969 these stages were developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She was a Swiss-American psychiatrist who famously worked to better understand grief and the process people go through. She wrote about the five most common reactions to loss in her book, “On Death and Dying”. We will do a deep dive into each stage here, referring to them as waves in the grief wave set. Each step is deeply personal and varies in length, and not all of them will always be experienced. These merely serve as a reference point to help support a person who is coping with a loss.

An Explanation of the Five Waves

Wave #1: Denial

Another way to describe denial is the feeling of shock. Denial can sometimes serve as a buffer between the news and the emotion to give our nervous system a moment to digest. Sometimes people will describe this stage as “going numb”, and although this is uncomfortable, it can serve a very important purpose. 

Wave #2: Anger 

Anger can be tricky because we’ve been taught that it’s best to avoid this emotion. It can be surprising to the people that we love, and it can catch us off guard if we aren’t used to confronting this emotion. We know that underneath the layer of anger is often an immense amount of pain. Although anger has its place, it is important to understand how to move through it so that the real emotions can be experienced and healed.

Wave #3: Bargaining 

This is where people grip on to hope. While seeking restoration, an internal negotiation may begin. This is where reality is starting to set in and that can be very hard to confront while in the midst of a loss. 

Wave #4: Depression 

When the hope of returning to what was once a reality, depression and sadness can set in. In this stage, people can feel exhausted, distracted, unmotivated, and confused. The good news is that these symptoms are typically temporary, and although unpleasant, they can serve as a very important part of the grieving process. 

Wave #5: Acceptance 

This wave hits hard once the readjustment begins. After the experience is acknowledged, it can then be accepted. Acceptance can be temporary as people continue to move through the other stages in a fluid fashion. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the person isn’t sad anymore, it just means that there is now a focus on the future and how they will move forward. 

We are here to help

The process of grieving can be essential for emotional healing. When you allow yourself to feel and express your grief, you're giving yourself permission to begin the healing process. This might involve talking about your loss, reflecting on your feelings through writing, or engaging in creative outlets. By working through your grief, you can create the space necessary for emotional recovery and acceptance.

If you are currently experiencing grief and need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. Talking to a counselor about your loss can be an important step in navigating all of the emotions and challenges that you may be experiencing. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and everyone processes it differently. Here at Coalta Therapy and Wellness, we want to help you take steps towards healing and finding healthy ways to move forward.

Final thoughts

Coping with grief and loss is not just about going through painful emotions; it's about engaging with it in a way that fosters healing and personal growth. By acknowledging your emotions, seeking support, and practicing self-care, you allow yourself the space to heal and ultimately find a renewed sense of purpose. Grief may be a challenging journey, but navigating it with compassion and resilience can lead to a more enriched and meaningful life. Remember, it's okay to seek help and lean on others during this time—grief is a universal experience, and you don’t have to face it alone.

Blog Sources:

Casabianca, Sandra Silva. “5 Stages of Grief after Facing a Loss.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 19 July 2024, psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief#how-to-help. 

Casabianca, Sandra Silva. “5 Stages of Grief after Facing a Loss.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 19 July 2024, psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief#the-kubler-ross-model. 

“Photo Gallery.” EKR Foundation, 26 Sept. 2019, www.ekrfoundation.org/elisabeth-kubler-ross/photo-gallery/.

Disclaimer: This website is intended for a general audience, for educational and informational purposes only. Visiting the website/blog and viewing its content does not create a therapist/patient relationship between visitors, our therapists, our employees, or Coalta Therapy and Wellness L.L.C. The information on this blog is not, nor is it intended to be, therapy or psychological advice. We are not able to answer questions regarding your specific situation or relationship. Please remember that if you are a current or former patient, your comments or likes may jeopardize your confidentiality. Make sure you consult your physician or mental health provider regarding advice or support for your personal health and wellbeing. If you are in crisis, call your local 24-hour hotline or 911.