The Five Stages of Grief

Everyone experiences grief differently, and turning to the five stages can help us identify the strong emotions that a difficult time can bring to the surface.   

In 1969 these stages were developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. She was a Swiss-American psychiatrist who famously worked to better understand grief and the process people go through. She wrote about the five most common reactions to loss in her book, “On Death and Dying”. We will do a deep dive into each stage here, referring to them as waves in the grief wave set. Each step is deeply personal and varies in length, and not all of them will always be experienced. These merely serve as a reference point to help support a person who is coping with a loss.

An Explanation of the Five Waves

Wave #1: Denial

Another way to describe denial is the feeling of shock. Denial can sometimes serve as a buffer between the news and the emotion to give our nervous system a moment to digest. Sometimes people will describe this stage as “going numb”, and although this is uncomfortable, it can serve a very important purpose. 

Wave #2: Anger 

Anger can be tricky because we’ve been taught that it’s best to avoid this emotion. It can be surprising to the people that we love, and it can catch us off guard if we aren’t used to confronting this emotion. We know that underneath the layer of anger is often an immense amount of pain. Although anger has its place, it is important to understand how to move through it so that the real emotions can be experienced and healed.

Wave #3: Bargaining 

This is where people grip on to hope. While seeking restoration, an internal negotiation may begin. This is where reality is starting to set in and that can be very hard to confront while in the midst of a loss. 

Wave #4: Depression 

When the hope of returning to what was once a reality, depression and sadness can set in. In this stage, people can feel exhausted, distracted, unmotivated, and confused. The good news is that these symptoms are typically temporary, and although unpleasant, they can serve as a very important part of the grieving process. 

Wave #5: Acceptance 

This wave hits hard once the readjustment begins. After the experience is acknowledged, it can then be accepted. Acceptance can be temporary as people continue to move through the other stages in a fluid fashion. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the person isn’t sad anymore, it just means that there is now a focus on the future and how they will move forward. 

Final thoughts

Coping with grief and loss is not just about going through painful emotions; it's about engaging with it in a way that fosters healing and personal growth. By acknowledging your emotions, seeking support, and practicing self-care, you allow yourself the space to heal and ultimately find a renewed sense of purpose. Grief may be a challenging journey, but navigating it with compassion and resilience can lead to a more enriched and meaningful life. Remember, it's okay to seek help and lean on others during this time—grief is a universal experience, and you don’t have to face it alone.

Blog Sources:

Casabianca, Sandra Silva. “5 Stages of Grief after Facing a Loss.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 19 July 2024, psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief#how-to-help. 

Casabianca, Sandra Silva. “5 Stages of Grief after Facing a Loss.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 19 July 2024, psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief#the-kubler-ross-model. 

“Photo Gallery.” EKR Foundation, 26 Sept. 2019, www.ekrfoundation.org/elisabeth-kubler-ross/photo-gallery/.

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